dilemma

My Story With ...

 Ferroweezy

First month of 2011 ..

aku ...

seorang playgurl ..( stgh org aggp aku mcm tuu ) tak suka relats yg serious , aku sje jew nak try-II kpel , pew r yg besnye kpel ni smpi rmai gak mmbe aku dh ada kpel . tpy aku bkn nk kpel btowl uwn jst nak maen-II jewp . futhermore , aku tak suka sgt jge aty org , yg aku tau hal aku je r . lgypOwn umo aku bwu bpe takan nak kpel siyezz kOwt , aku agk chOsy sO aku tak bpe ykin lau nak staY longEr nan smbOdY . tak igt r bpew owg aku pnye mgse sblm aku kpel nan Evan on 22 Jan 2011 . bwu bpe ary aku knL nan die , Evan ask mY num n ktOrg uwn stat r kpel . aku ada skndL tpy aku tak bitau die . secret . then suddnly , i was trapped ! lps bbpe bulan aku kpel dgn die tak sangka akuw tgkp cintan dgn Evan . Die bknlahh kapel aku yg prtama . but die lah org prtma yg dh success buat aku tgkp cintan ! aku pown until nOw still nOt sure towl k Evan nie btoll-II siyez nan aku ataupOwn die jst sweet-talker . bkn aku tak pcyekn die , tpy byk cite yg aku dgr abOut die . mngikOwt kate bbpe owg at lam lmn sOcial uwh , aku n Evan agk hawt , rmai yg trY nk jadix kpel ktOrG . mgkin sbb tuu bYk gak gOsiP yg aku dgr psL Evan tyme ktowg kpel . stgh drpdnye btoll but im nOt realY care aboUt oll dat . dOrG trY nk buad ktOwG clsh . pape pOwn , sume tuu dh berlalu ..lps ktOwg clash aku hmpir tak keruan n owaz trigtkn die , bile trigt balik story aku dgn dia dulu , my tears wil fall ... L Die pOwn at first bkn siyezz uwn kpel dgn aku , owaz ada skndal , tpy die jujo dgn aku yg die manx ada skndl . But aku tak kisahh uwn bab aku uwn ada skndl , Fidott & Ahyenz or maybe ada agy ..aku pOwn tak bpe nak rmmbe . aku uwn ada kpel nan sOrg boy nems Ap , yg aku tak sgke mrupekn abg kpd Nadia ( knl Nadia lps aku clsh nan Ap ) n mmbe kpd Evan . aku tak sgke yg Nadia adlah xtual GF ov Evan . dowg penah meet n fmlY tau abOut relats dioranG . Evrytinx reveal time Evan xcidnt . Nadia tak dpt tahan n tewOz bitau aku yg Evan tuu Bf die . die gax yg izinkn Evan carik kpel laen . aku agk shOck n tax pcye sbenanye tpy ada bbrpe things yg mke me blieve her ( aku dPt tau lbih abOut Evan pde awl bulan 1 2012 ) . die ada mintak aku clashkn Evan tpy aku tanax lpskn Evan sbb aku dh rse syg at die . aku tk endhkn pmintaan Nadia wlaupOwn aku tau tak elOk aku rmps hak org , die kpel Evan yg real n aku cume org ketiga . aku n Nadia gaduh n hmpir jadi pgduhan yg besa bile akak Nadia ajk aku kuar Dataran nak belasah aku r kOwt tpy aku aggp ajkn die tuu maen-II je tuk cuak kn aku n clshkn Evan tpy aku tak trse uwn cm uwh . but then aku n Nadia okay jewp . ktOwg still mmbe n still keeP in tOuch untill NOW J . aku penah tye Nadia npe die still nak kwn nan aku [ ? ] Nadia ckp die suke kwn nan aku , aku ada gax tye die ada dendam tak nan aku [ ? ] Nadia ckp ada , sO aku tye dh lgsai blum [ ? ] dia ckp blum , aku tye agy bile nak lgsai [ ? ] Nadia said mayb tyme die jmpe aku . aku pown dOnt nOe wat kind ov waY die nak lgsaikn dendm dia at aku n i alsO dOn nOe die msih bdndm tak nan aku NOW .. after aku clash nan Evan baru Nadia bitau yg die dh tau abOut me n die gax yg izinkn Evan kpel lain sbbnye , im not realY sure . Evan gax dh bpkt nan abg Nadia , Ap tuk knekan aku ( oo my gOd ...! cant believe yg aku nk tipu org tpy aku jgk yg terkena balik ) . Kononnye , Evan dpt tau yg aku kpel nan owg laen n duakn die sO die pOwn attack aku , mrh r nape kpel laen n blablabla ...( ayt biase bile Bf tau yg Gf die curang ) . but Evan tak clashkn aku , aku clshkn Ap , then aku lOst kOntek nan Ap tak tau wat apen nan die . But then aku tgOk pO5 die dh ada owg laen amik alih , its a gurl , adik die iaitu Nadia . aku jadix mmbe Nadia . byk gak aku tau psl life die , aku kerap gax tye abOut Ap . aku PM ( private msg ) Nadia tpy Evan tatau ( maybe ) yg ktOwg dh jadiy agk rpt . Lme jgk aku tak dgr psl Nadia tyme Nadia xcidnt at Sarawak n kOma fOr a few days ( i guess ) . aku dpt tau hal tuu pOwn frOm akak die , pe nems tah aku uwn tak igt . frOm akak Nadia r aku tau psl pkmbgn Nadia spnjg die ada at hOspi . Nadia dh sehat , we keeP in tOuch again . Evan ada lrg aku drpd PM nan Nadia tpy aku tak endahkn cOz aku rse agk srOnOk kwn nan die . Evan tewOzkn dgn pngai die yg tak bpe siyezz in relats tuu n mee toO . But die tak tau yg aku dh trtgkp cintan nan die , lOve sntnce yg aku bgy at die sume betoll , tak tipu , bile aku ckp “i love you” , “i miss you” . aku uwn tatau sejak bile aku dh tgkp cintan nan die . hurm ...then , aku kpel wit Ahyenz . die dh ade kpel , tpy die nk kpel nan aku cOz die kte die syg aku n i dOnt cre abOut dat aku uwn kpel r nan die . i dOnt nOe r hOw Evan dpt tau sO die ( ayt biase yg BF bgy bile Gf cheat ) ..aku n Ahyenz clsh , aku n Evan uwn clash , aku pOwn tak bpe nak amik kisah psl tuu . Evan n Ahyenz fiGht , Evan pjuk aku ...he wnt me back , tpy aku jual mahal . nex , aku trima byk PM frOm org yg aku tak knl pOwn diOrg cme ckP bnde yg sme “aku bruntung dpt Evan , bkn sng gurl dpt kpel nan die , Evan syg sgt at aku n tanax ilang aku” xtualY dOwg dhnta oleh Evan tOk pjuk aku n Evan sndri pOwn pjuk aku , agk terharu gak aku rase cOz tak penah agy aku rse amat dprlukn n its mke me lOve Evan mOre . aku Pown accpt Evan back , n ktOrg stat kpel siyezz , aku epyy sgt nan Evan n aku syg die sgt !! ^^ but . aku tak dpt lpskn diri frOm Fidott , die teen yg agk bmslh , prOb dgn fmlY die , wit himself n aku dh tau abOut dat spnjg aku bknln dgn die ( knl tyme tgh kpel nan Evan at diffrnt lmn web sOcial ) . takan aku nak biarkn die mcm tuu ? aku msti lah tlOng die atasi prOb die cOz aku dh tmbh pndritaan die dgn aku kpel nan die but then aku saketkn aty die dgn clshkn die ats sebab yg aku nak balik smula at Bf aku cOz aku syg die agy..manx aku tak ksah sbenanye cOz asyik sgt in lOve wit Evan but aku brse ksihn dgn naseb die . he jst a teengers sme lyke me , Evan , Ahyenz n Nadia n he nOt sppse hving such a hard time , he shOuld studY fOr PMR tnpe stress n keep on tinking about prOb die . Fidott seorang yg setia , mmliki suara yg mmpu mncairkn aty gurl , jujur , die need love mmndgkn die tade Mom n ada prOb wit fmly n aku almOst cry bile aku mkin mndlmi perasaan n hiduP die but then aku hmpir fullY fall fOr him . witouwt i realise , im 90% fall fOr him spnjg aku cube tlOng die handle prOb die . almost 8 bln aku bcintan wit Evan , n spnjg tempOh tu jge aku taktau dh bpe kli aku tipu n sakettkn atY Fidott , akhirnye aku clsh witt Evan ..... pde awl nye aku tak trse sgt khilgn Evan but mkin lme aku mula rse idOp aku tak cmplete , then aku realise aku dh khilgn org yg pling aku syg ......... Evan . aku cbe tOk pjuk die mcm die penah buad at aku dulu n cbe bgy die kpstian yg aku dh brubh mnjdi setia , n aku btOll-II need him back ! aku cry almOst oll nyte bile aku tringt kn die ..aku manx nak sgt die kmbli . he stat ignOre my msj , kOwl uwn tak dpt , aku susah aty sgt ..! but then , aku dpt tau die xcidnt 1 more tyme n its make me rmmbe back yg Evan penah jadi mcm tak keruan lps aku clshkn die . aku tkowt yg hal ktOrg break ada kne mgena dgn hal yg die xcidnt ..lps bpe lme bru aku dpt contek die , he said he was soryy tak rep msj or agkt kowl cOz die xcidnt ... then , die ilang lagy .....  .. lme sgt ... aku risau ... rindu ....

i keep waiting fOr him ...

waiting ...

tetap tunggu die tanpa jemu ...

waitt ...

smpi bulan 12 2011 ...

aku yakin yg one day die akan kmbali ..

..

....

die tetap tak muncull ...hbgn aku witt Fidott pOwn mkin hambr , nth brpe kli lahh aku dh sakettkn aty die ..wlaupOwn aku sdr  , tpy i keeP jgk sakettkn aty die , kpel- break , kpel – break , tpy die tak jemu pown tOk tewoz mintak kpel witt me . smtms prngai die mmbuatkn aku geram n tnpe aku sdr , aku dh mrh die mgtekn aku annOying dgn die tpy die sikitt pOwn tak tinggalkn aku wlaOpOwn aku tau die trse dgn kate-II aku , katenye die syg sgt nan aku ..aku pown syg die tpy aku syg Evan lebih lagy dari aku syg die ..

dlm mse aku tggu Evan aku mula kmbli kpd prngai lame , Playgurl . aku bknln dgn sOrg boy yg umonye 6 taown lbih tua dari aku , Kwee . die berbeza bngsa wit me . knl die at 1 website social at Maxis.com sme mcm aku knl Evan , Fidott , Nadia , Ahyenz n othrs but diffrnt ‘www.?’ . jst a small chit chat , i dOn noe him much bcOz die bzie wOrkinG . sronOk dPt chat nan die wlaoPown jst small chat tpy die tak snOb lyke othr Chnse yg aku knl in dat social website . he kinda goOd in Malays n Eng sO we hving nO error cmmnictiOn . aku tgOx die manx rmai pminat , pde pndgn aku he’s Quiet gOrgeous , goOd loOkinG n peramah jgk . tpy aku tak lah pulak nak jadiikn Kwee ‘bhn mainan’ aku . manx aku tak expect pape pOwn dari Kwee , jst mmbe lam laman social tuu gitu-II jewp . one day aku trime 1 msj n its from Evan !! epynye aku !! taxtau lah mcm mne aku nak gmbrkn JJJJJJJ tpy bile aku rep txt die , die tak rep blik pOwn . sO i guess die msti busy lyn Gf baru die , hurm .. spnjg aku on lam lmn social tuu Evan ada txt aku tpy jrg sgt , rep uwn jrg . i also don noe wat his prOb diz tyme , num uwn dh lain . at the last day aku at web social tuu , aku pOwn dh dpt bbpe mgse n i guess its enOugh , sO im off ..aku pOwn say r gudbYe to oll ov my fren in list includinG Kwee . tyme tuu die tak 0n9 but then die rep cmmnt aku ..die try nak halang aku from stop ..but aku ttp wit my dcision . die ask fOr my num , i ask why ..[ tak igt r die jwb pee ==’ ] frOm dat sec , almOst 1 day aku spen mase aku PM die , smtinx finally reveal ...Kwee ckp xtualy die ada feel dgn aku ..aku tye wat kind ov feel , he said LOVE . aku tye mcm mne die leh ada feel dgn aku sdgkn aku bngse Malay n die Chnse once again aku tak igt pe jwpn die ==’ . at 12 smtinx at nyte , Kwee gve me a kowl , agk gementar nak jwb tpy aku agkt cpt jgk [ haha .. ] n it was first time aku dgr voice die , wow ..Quiet big vOice berbeza dgn vOice Fidott yg lbih romantik n Evan yg agk mystery [ hehe .. ] we hvinG a talk then we cntinue in PM pulakk , he finally ask for a relats , agk brbnge ati aku time tuu J J then line at dat social website prob sO , talehh r on9 tuk bitau die yg aku trime , dh lah tyme tu aku tade kredit ! oh my gOd ...! adooyaii ..!

nex day ..aku tOp uP n aku pOwn msj die ..aku tibe-II rse epy J J J tak trigt lgsOng at Fidott n Evan yg mghilngkn diri mcm biskOwt , jap ade jap tadaxx . LOVE aku tOk Evan mkin pudar 100% à 89% mgkin sbb agk lme aku tggu n die pOwn mcm tak bgy hOpe yg die akn accPt mE back sO i jst keeP on wit mY new LOVE , Kwee . aku tye Kwee kite dh kpel k [ ? ]  die ckp dh , yesterday JJJJ sdnly aku rse epy mcm dlu ..tyme aku n Evan ...we txt until late nyte n smtms tak tidO pOwn mlm tuu.. JJJ [ hehe ] but then , Evan buad cmeback ..so do Fidott ..slps bbpe hari aku kpel witt Kwee then diorg dtg balik , WHY ???? aku txt Evan n diz tyme die rep n die xpLain npe die jrg rep msj aku . katenye die kerja , balik pOwn lmbt n die penat sgt smpi tak sempatt nak rep msj . aku tye Fidott , die pOwn mcm tuu . aku fhm , musim cuti skolah manx rmai student yg kerja . sdg asyik aku txt Evan mgkin trlalu gmbire yg die dh back aku accpt kpel wit Evan tnpe trigtkn Kwee . oh mY gOd ..!! how cOuld i dO datt to Kwee ???!!!

aku buad kptsn ..aku tak nak mcm nii , sO aku decide tOk bitau Evan the real situatiOn . b4 aku buad kptsn tOk bitau Evan , aku dh tye pndPt bbpe org yg rpt dgn aku siapa yg harus aku choose . aku sendiri pOwn tak dpt buad kptsn . aku msih sygkn Evan , syg yg teramat sgt ...tpy aku tanak lpskn Kwee at the sme time aku tanax khilgn Evan yg dh agk lme aku tggu !! onlY gOd nOe hOw i felt dat time .. DILEMMA . coUsin says “Evan” , adik says “Kwee” , me ?? nO result yet ..lonG time tinkinG , i finaly , lpskn Evan ..org yg plinG aku syg yg aku tak mmpu prthnkn die 4 myself . STUPID ..!!!! aku critakn kpd Evan sume yg tjdi , die fhm , tpy aku tau die kcewa ....ntah bpe kali n skli lagy aku sketkn aty die ..maafkan saye , awakk LLLL:’( then ... Evan disappear  ..again ..aku tak ceritakn at Kwee wats apen cOz aku tkowt n tanak hilang die ..takOwt sgtt !!

one day aku txt Kwee tpy die tak rep , kowl tak agkt ..aku risau sgt ...bdn aku mnggigil .....mlm tuu , dh lme try akhrnye die agkt , “hello syg” ktenye , aku tak mmbls aku terOs tye npe tak agkt kOwl [ ? ] die ckp maafkn I , I kne fever tak lrt nak agkt or rep sms agkt fOne pOwn tak mmpu ..baru aku tau apa sebbnye . selang a few days once again die tak rep my txt , kowl kdg-II tak dpt n tak agkat ....risau sgt aku , rindu pown ada ..lonG time trYInG akhrnye ada pown msj , its sOund “r yuu loOkinG Kwee ?” aku rep “yes , yuu nOt Kwee ? whO r yuu n whre is Kwee ?” dat nyte , aku dpt tau yg Kwee xcidnt n ada at hOspi n org yg inFom at aku tu sepupu Kwee , Yoyo ..we stat txtinG aftr dat nyte , exchnge pict n wow ..she’s hawt , prettY ^^ . Yoyo ckp die ada Bf at Ampang . Yoyo n her bf hvinG cinta jrk jaOwh rupenye sme wit me n Kwee lahh . Yoyo n Kwee staY Pahang , me n Yoyo bf staY Selangor . Fidott pown stay Selangor tpy at Cheras , Evan stay JB . We tak kontek dh after Yoyo dh bgy fOne at Kwee cOz Kwee dh kluar hosPi . me n Kwee still kpel until nOw . im nOt undrstnd whY Kwee can easilY fall in love at me but its hard fOr me n i still trying . weird , i try toO love Kwee sO much but , i fOund dat its hard . myb bcOz diffrnt races n diz iz my first tyme kpel witt diffrnt races kowt . lgypOwn in my heart still ada Evan , jst sisa-II . Kwee said he will mke me love him , aku tye , hOw [ ? ] Kwee tanak bgytau katenye suprise n Top Secret J [ haha ] wlauPown aku dh pakse die ckP ..[ hehe ] aku mintak clue sO Kwee ckp the clue is “meet me n i wil tel u the rest” sO we will meet but dOn nOe wen but it will hapEn J me n Kwee wil meet n maybe diz stOrY will meet an end ..

MY MASAM MANIS PAHIT MOMENT WITH ...

3> heYY , im piyoo , tuann saia addin izuan . dea nsem tau . but kecik je dea . huhu . dea jaad . tamao bagi saia makan . daa bpusing mate saia . dea sch lagi . johorean . dea owaz hangoud . yeyer lahh dea . okeng lahh(ayat eyzaa) . izuan nak cakap , i tak single . suda kawin ;D . suda brumen sama budak manja . ekahAISHITERUevan .  sygg bby sangat lahh . dont curangcurang lahh . nak curang ? kita clash je lo . ea kau laky siall , jgn lahh kacau gurlfie aku . prosak rumah tgga org lahh , kau nak dea , it sokey , aku bole clshkn ekaa , aku taa batak lahh . ken eyzaa ? sygg kau . haha . close acc , ta tpu . so , lepas ni , korg nak mnja2 , nak coup soroksorok , xpaya lah . aku takan kacau korg . aku just nak ckap , jaga dea baek2 . aku ta marah pon korg coup , just jeles je . lantak korg lahh , so , babai lahh smua . enjoy korg punya coup .- CLOSE ACCOUNT QUTE – ILY ekahh .

heYy , i evan , taa single . suda maried sma ito budak manje selayang kot . dea suda curi saia  . tamo bagi gurl laen rampas sy . kte suda berumen n mmpunyai anak EKAHEVAN . huhu . sdap nem . bby , bie sygs awak sgt , tlampau sangat . b skrg daa taa mcam dlu . b brubah u . bby jgn lahh curangcurang oke . tamo macam uhh lahh :c . b jnji b takan tgglkan awak . b mizz ur voice yg manje sgt , cry u , marah u , b mizz smua dari awak . b nak jage awak smpai mati n awak penamat gurl bie . iloveyou nur atikah

...... ...... ...... SAIA... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... SAYANG... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... AWAK... ...... ...... ...... ...... ......                                                                 ..........EKAH......................................................iLOVEyou                                                                                   ekah so damn much ! ......................

  

    hey!! bie oud dlu.byk bzy

     ma. sory lilax.cyg bby cnad

     smpi mti.syg awa sowg..luv

     u so much..sweet dream n

     gud nyte.bubye.tdow

     leklok. t.c

Quotes About Personality

“I wish people weren't so set on being themselves, when that means being a bastard.”
― Robertson Davies, The Rebel Angels

“Strength of character means the ability to overcome resentment against others, to hide hurt feelings, and to forgive quickly.”
― Lawrence G. Lovasik

“How often, you wonder, has the direction of your life been shaped by such misunderstandings? How many opportunities have you been denied--or, for that matter, awarded--because someone failed to see you properly? How many friends have you lost, how many have you gained, because they glimpsed some element of your personality that shone through for only an instant, and in circumstances you could never reproduce? An illusion of water shimmering at the far bend of a highway.”
― Kevin Brockmeier, The View from the Seventh Layer 

“The personality susceptible to the dream of limitless freedom is a personality also prone, should the dream ever sour, to misanthropy and rage.”
― Jonathan Franzen, Freedom 

 “Whatever does not pretend at all has style enough.”
― Booth Tarkington, The Magnificent Ambersons 

“The average personality reshapes frequently, every few years even our bodies undergo a complete overhaul - desirable or not, it is a natural thing that we should change. All right, here were two people who never would change. That is what Mildred Grossman had in common with Holly Golightly. They would never change because they'd been given their character too soon; which, like sudden riches, leads to a lack of proportion: the one had splurged herself into a top-heavy realist, the other a lopsided romantic.”
― Truman Capote, Breakfast at Tiffany's 

“It´s a good thing when a man is different from your image of him. Is shows he isn´t a type. If he were, it would be the end of him as a man. But if you can´t place him in a category, it means that at least a part of him is what a human being ought to be. He has risen above himself, he has a grain of immortality.”
― Boris Pasternak, Doctor Zhivago  

“I really like you better aimless and lost among people, a little crazy, oddball, not looking like yourself. So that I don't know you at all and the nearer I get to you the more you separate yourself from me-- I get dizzy trying to follow you and I have to work really hard-- and that's what I want!”
― Alia Mamdouh, The Loved Ones: A Modern Arabic Novel 

“In this metallic age of barbarians, only a relentless cultivation of our ability to dream, to analyse and to captivate can prevent our personality from degenerating into nothing or else into a personality like all the rest.”
― Fernando Pessoa

 “But then one regrets the loss even of one's worst habits. Perhaps one regrets them the most. They are such an essential part of one's personality.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray 

“For I am—or I was—one of those people who pride themselves in on their willpower, on their ability to make a decision and carry it through. This virtue, like most virtues, is ambiguity itself. People who believe that they are strong-willed and the masters of their destiny can only continue to believe this by becoming specialists in self-deception. Their decisions are not really decisions at all—a real decision makes one humble, one knows that it is at the mercy of more things than can be named—but elaborate systems of evasion, of illusion, designed to make themselves and the world appear to be what they and the world are not. This is certainly what my decision, made so long ago in Joey’s bed, came to. I had decided to allow no room in the universe for something which shamed and frightened me. I succeeded very well—by not looking at the universe, by not looking at myself, by remaining, in effect, in constant motion.”
― James Baldwin, Giovanni's Room